Day 106: My Experiment
Tuesday October 30th, 2018Photo By Kellepics on Pixabay“In every conflict there is an element of self-betrayal.” -Esther VeltheimWhether conscious or unconscious, when our beliefs, masks or identities are betrayed, somewhere along the line we have betrayed ourselves. No matter how much we blame and lash out at the other, self-betrayal indicates a wound. It sits below the surface awaiting attention.A stimulus, event, person may catalyze the wound and a strong emotional over-reaction. Self-justification and a need to regain control takes over. Seemingly possessed we rant, rave, blame, judge, prove that the other is to blame. Even when placated by the agreement of the other we continue to belabor the point.The catalyst is the focus of our attention further inculcating betrayal of self and the other.
The mind’s perception of reality is dual in nature. It cannot know a concept without an equal an opposite concept. To know dark we must know light. Consequently, our conscious mask has a diametrically opposed mask e.g. a conscious identity of “I am ugly” has an unconscious identity of “I am beautiful.” The unconscious identity is one we rejected in childhood. We may have found it too difficult to bear. We manipulated and abused ourselves into fragments. Each slice accepted or rejected by the child to feel safe. After all we could not take responsibility and move out of the house as children. Now, as adults, we can despite our past.
When catalyzed or triggered, a part of us is seeking attention. We fear this part is so horrible that we turn away from the opportunity to assuage our internal cries.
What if our conflicts are something else entirely? A part of ourselves that has been lost in childhood? What if the cry from within is actually something wondrous? Something beautiful and noble? What if exposing this part of us to the light makes us whole? What if self-manipulation, abuse and betrayal are unnecessary? Would you shed light on it? Would you tenderly give it your love and attention? Would you treat yourself gently and bring your wounds to light?
Is it time to be gentle with yourself? Is it time to be…