The oncoming full moon, the experiment, and years of self-inquiry has slowly, steadily peeled back layers of self-abnegating people pleasing. Martyrization has eroded the doubt and mental machinations that defended against integrity in the name of “what the other feels.” Self-betrayal held in the highest regard at the expense of the soul.
Talk of integrity and in the same breath professing the admiration for the affliction for positive thinking bring paroxysms of mental torpor. You might think affliction is too harsh, then use pathology in its stead.
Thoughts ramble around seemingly in the head negotiating excuses and justifications for a positive thought over a negative. Not once considering the fallacy of the thought itself. Such handling of thoughts it antithetical to thinking. Inasmuch positive or negative thinking is NOT thinking they are thoughts.
Thinking arises when the truth is sought. Questions that usurp the dominance of irrelevant, defensive, and random thoughts crack the superficial thinking to the truth.
Self-inquiry gently derails the defenses exposing the quiet space below the harshness of the mind. Integrity rises when the self is given space to speak. No longer occluded by the blither blather of excuses, justifications and the horror of the mask of positive thoughts over negative and vice versa. As such self-deception further eclipses the soul from revealing the truth.
Positive thinking is a panpharmacon of zero efficacy, except as a temporary self-medication that may further damage rather than heal the soul. Self-inquiry seeks truth, not further prefabricated assumptions, and frees the soul.